What Is Mentoring

Mentoring is a relationship between two or more individuals designed to unlock their potential. Mentors are excellent sources of information, a trusted advisor. Through the relationship they nurture the mentees growth and guides the mentee toward their desired goal. A mentor is NOT a coach even though they have many of the same attributes. Coaches are in place for one thing, and they concentrate on the sole thing. Mentors are in the life changing game. As a mentor you are, by design, changing the way your mentee things and see things. The skills you impart upon your mentee are principals that can be used everywhere in life that they apply…not…just for the one goal you happen to be working on at the moment.

A mentor is way more than just a coach. A mentor is someone who is an expert that shares their wisdom, knowledge and experience with a person seeking to grow in that field. Mentors invest time and effort into their mentees for the sake of nurturing the mentees talents and character. They take what the mentee has to offer then molds and reshapes them into a totally new person by expanding their skillsets and comfort zones.

Being a mentor is a fully engaged and rewarding experience. Not only does it impact the mentee, but it grows the mentor at the same time. Mentoring offers a sense of fulfillment. You can sit there and watch your mentee grow in real time and know that you played a part of shaping their life to come. It is your opportunity to give back by paying it forward and passing on your knowledge to others. At the same time, it allows you to hone your own leadership skills and gives you the chance to self-reflect, finding your growth by discovering new insights to your own skills.

If you are ready to make a difference in someone’s life, take on the role of a mentor. I promise you will not regret the choice.

What Makes a Good Mentor

Is available, within set expectations

Let’s face it, expectations are everything. Businesses, customers, visitors, everyone has expectations about what is going on around them. Why would this be any different in Toastmasters? It is not. How we manage those expectations means everything to all mentees. Club officers expect members to be on time, accept tasks, carry them out etc. They expect meetings to flow according to plan. Members expect everything to be explained to them as they grow within Toastmasters. The marriage between the two sides is the Mentor / Mentee relationship.

In setting expectations and managing them we need to explain in detail the workings of what is expected. This removes the stress and element of surprise from any task. The mentor meets with the mentee to discuss any standards and how to carry them out. Imagine what it would be like if a member showed up for their first meeting, never being to one in any official capacity before, and is asked to fill the role of General Evaluator. In all probably, their heart just dropped through the floor and all they really want to do at the moment is run out the door.

We could replace the GE with any other role and the stress is likely to remain the same. However, with a great mentoring program in your club, each person is assigned a mentor, and that mentor explains the roles etc. ahead of time. They do not allow their mentee to take on any roles they were not trained for. This relationship continues until the mentee is comfortable with knowing what is going on and perform accordingly without any further assistance.

There should always be an understanding of what the mentor and mentee are planning to accomplish. This requires them to have a plan in place that delineates what each person is going to do in that relationship. Doing such will gain agreement and commitment by both parties. Goals are determined, timelines are set, and feedback sessions are scheduled to track progress.

Assignments are made, defined and explained. Everything is measurable to know when a task is successfully completed. As with all learning, notes are taken, used, refined until everything is worked out. If any questions come up, we write them down to be sure they get answered. We continue to perform the tasks until we get them all down pat.

Listens actively

Mentors need to avoid distractions when communicating with their mentees. This means silencing phones, turning off music or computers. Paying close attention to what the mentee is saying and understanding their needs is the most important aspect of being a mentor. 90% of communication comes from non-verbal responses. Use these to the mentees advantage by nodding your head, smiling and definitely having eye contact. This reassures the mentee that you are connecting to what they are talking about.

If you as the mentor has questions about what the mentee is referring to, use open ended questions similar to “Can you give me an example of what you are talking about?” Never make assumptions or prejudge your mentee. They come to you for help and look forward to your expertise on the subject matter to put them on the correct path. Summarize their points and reflect back what they said so the mentee knows they were heard.

Your active listening skills allow you as the mentor to understand the mentee’s point of view, minimize possible conflicts, and foster growth and accountability between the both of you.

Shares relevant knowledge

Mentors freely share relevant knowledge with their mentees. This helps the mentee grow professionally. The process of sharing grows the mentor / mentee relationship. It builds a rapport and trust between to two participants such that when information is parted it is also readily accepted. Mentors are different than coaches. Coaches only work toward a specific goal. Mentors change the way people think and see things. Coaches give direction to achieve a specific target. Mentors teach principles to live by that reshape the thought process and allow a person to connect the dots and grow exponentially.

Sharing knowledge can be accomplished several ways. Sage advice is always helpful, especially if it is followed up task appropriate demonstrations. This gives the mentee a sample of what to do and how to do it. It allows them to experiment and find the right method to grow into the new experience. Mentors can also give stories about their own experiences, what they found that worked and what did not.

take the time as a mentor to observe your mentee. See what they are doing, where they are having trouble and then provide feedback. Work on collaborative project together guiding your mentee through the process. Allow them to reflect on what you taught and ask new questions when they come up. Transferring knowledge and transforming lives is a process. Your mentor / mentee relationship should last at least six months to a year. Give it time, I promise your mentee will be grateful for all your efforts.

Helps set and monitor goals

In keeping with the idea of life changing habits, mentors teach mentees how to set and monitor goals. They help the mentee to set specific, measurable and attainable goals. Mentors will also ensure the goals are challenging but not beyond the mentee’s capability. monitoring progress aides in keeping the mentee focused and on track. Each task is planned and timed along the way. All tasks combine to reach one goal, that way everything being done always moved in the right direction toward goal completion.

When the mentee is having problems, the mentor steps in to give encouragement and support. This helps the mentee to continue to feel confident in reaching the new goal. With the encouragement, the mentor also provides guidance on how to reach the goal efficiently, including methods that are sustainable and usable elsewhere. Doing this assists in increasing your usable knowledge and continued growth.

The mentor will ensure the mentees goals are clear and easily understood. Help the mentee stay committed to the goal and help maintain their motivation. This is done through regularly discussing the mentees progress at scheduled meeting times. I recommend that each mentee contact their mentor at least once per week to keep in touch and discuss the various aspects of what is going on while attaining those goals.

Provides constructive feedback

Giving feedback is sometimes difficult to get right. If you are too negative it will demotivate the mentee. You do not want to come across as condescending. None-the-less constructive feedback is absolutely essential for a mentee in order to make further progress and constant improvement. Feedback provides the tools we need to grow and improve. Without it, we would not know our mistakes or how to correct them. As a mentor, if you understand the mentees personality, you will be able to couch your feedback in a useful manner that allows the mentee to remain focused and motivated. In Toastmasters we like to use the sandwich method for speech evaluations. The same basic techniques can also be appropriately used when providing feedback to your mentee.

The idea of the feedback is to provide the mentee with control over their future combined with the personal authority to carry on. Your mentee needs to achieve results more than anything else and it is your job as the mentor to keep them on track. This will allow the mentee to take charge and get that job across the finish line, projecting confidence and leadership skills along the way.

Remember, as a mentor, to keep your advice straight forward. Do not beat around the push with your mentee by talking around the issue. Stick to the point, drive the thoughts home and see the effective results of your persuasive comments. Directly address any of your mentee’s concerns, always challenging them to do better working toward their goals. Use your experiences to provide them with concrete examples as this will help them comprehend what is being asked of them.

Models respect and is nonjudgmental

Everyone judges one way or another. The problem with that is that it creates a place where people are afraid to freely express themselves. As a mentor, one must remain as nonjudgemental as possible. Doing this creates an atmosphere of a safe and open environment. A mentee can, at that point, feel comfortable to express themselves. To share their thoughts, concerns and experiences without the worry of someone criticizing them.

Keeping this type of environment builds trust in the mentor / mentee relationship. It allows for the free flow of information to be given, analyzed, and solutions found. A plan of action can then be put into place with follow up dates to discuss any successes or roadblocks. As a mentor, we should always strive to keep that environment at all times to ensure the mentee will maintain an open, welcoming curiosity. You want to meld your experiences with your mentee’s thought processes.

If we take on the role of a mentoring session being judgmental, we are setting ourselves up for a clash of ideas. I am sure you can recognize in your own life the times your ideas clashed with someone else’s. It was not a pretty sight, was it? The moment there is a clash the mental processes hit a bone jarring stop. Your mentee will tune you out just the same way you tuned them out. There is zero chance of repairing that relationship at that point. Being nonjudgemental therefore becomes one of the most important attributes a mentor can have in their toolbox.

Maintains confidentiality of conversations

How extreme do you want to take your mentor / mentee relationship depends on how well you know and trust each other. Certainly, you could come up with a written agreement about what can be said and what cannot be repeated outside of your relationship. That contract would hold people accountable for sure. I find that it is just easier to never repeat anything from your sessions to anyone else. To me, that is the same thing as gossip, and we all know of a relationship in our life somewhere that ended because of gossip.

That being said, it now begs the question, ‘How do we help maintain confidentiality’? For starters, use a private meeting place. This will allow the mentee to feel more comfortable in sharing whatever sensitive information they may want to express to you. You can also use various means of communication like zoom, which allows both you and the mentee to be in a secure comfortable environment of choice and remove any stress from the situation.

If, for whatever reason, you feel you need to share the information, make sure you get the mentee’s permission before doing so. Getting that permission lets the mentee know the info is being shared and they had a say in it – i.e. they control the situation. Doing this will save the relationship rather than breaching the confidentiality of your mentee. You need to keep those boundaries in place for the relationship to grow in trust otherwise it will not be a successful relationship.

Advocates for the mentee

Mentors should ALWAYS advocate for their mentees. Promote the mentees skills and accomplishments to as big and wide of an audience as possible. Doing such allows the mentee to take credit for work accomplished, gain experience, and develop new schools as their confidence in themselves grow. Get to know your mentee, what are their strengths. weaknesses, goals etc. Then support your mentee by pushing them toward their goals. Encourage the use of their current strengths. Assist in building on their weaknesses until they become strengths.

Find the barriers stopping them from reaching their goals. Work together on solving the problems and give the mentee the power to do what needs to be done in order to move forward. Have the mentee be the driver of the action and learn how to advocate for themselves at the same time. Use your connections to move the mentee in the direction they want to go. Provide the resources and know how allowing them to get out of that comfort zone and into a new one.

Make sure that as the mentor you are communicating with your mentee. I mean, really communicating. It is important that the mentee knows they are not in this alone. That you as the mentor are there for the mentee. Talk, follow up, praise and publicly recognize your mentee. It is important that the mentee knows they are part of something bigger than themselves and that you are there to help them succeed at whatever course of action they are taking on.

Mentoring and Your Club

So far, we went over the basics of what mentoring is about. Now, how does this work in a Toastmasters club? We hear it all the time. Your club is supposed to have a mentoring program, how does your club run that program, what does it do, how do people get assigned? These are all very good questions. Unfortunately, most of them go unanswered. Only about 65% of Toastmaster clubs have a mentoring program and only about 50% of those are effective. The whole point of this article is to try and get your club onto the road of a good, effective, mentoring program. It will not be easy, but I guarantee it will be rewarding journey if you undertake it.

It is important that your club members learn the educational program provided by Toastmasters International. Your mentors can assist new members in becoming familiar with that program. They can also guide members on club meeting roles, and other opportunities available through membership. Just think about all the things you learned over the course of your Toastmasters journey and how you can make a mentees life so much easier by sharing your experiences with them.

A new member’s confidence will grow exponentially when a mentor shares that knowledge. It will allow them to become familiar with the club’s activities, other members, and the club culture. This will enable the new member to fully participate in what is going on and become more involved with future activities.

Learning to speak is a BIG part of Toastmasters. New members should know they are not in this alone. They have someone to turn to if questions arise, guidance is needed on a particular subject or assistance in understanding what is expected when doing the educational projects.

Take the time to learn how to be a mentor. There is a Mentoring Pathway you can complete that explains the in and outs of the program and projects you can do to reenforce what you are learning. When building a mentoring program for your club several resources are provided below. The forms you need to start a mentor / mentee relationship, the interest surveys and even training slides. Take the time to work through these with your VPE as your mentoring skills take traction.

Resources

Mentoring Manual can be downloaded by clicking here.

Mentor Program training slides are available by clicking here.

Mentor Interest Survey can be downloaded by clicking here.

Mentee Assignment Notice can be downloaded by clicking here.

Mentor Assignment Notice can be downloaded by clicking here.

How to Manage a Club Mentor Program can be downloaded by clicking here.

Toastmasters International Report on Clun Mentorship Programs can be downloaded by clicking here.